How on earth do you go about writing a Bible? It’s a couple of millennia since the last major Bible-writing exercise took place, so this means there’s currently a shortage of people who know how to put a Bible together. To be honest, this one isn’t entirely original – it draws heavily on that other, better-known Bible. Matter of fact, mine is a much reduced version of that particular Bible – just 3% of the original. Who knows, there might be a sequel, or thirty even (yeah right!) to cover the whole Bible.

Back to the story – it’s been called the greatest story ever told, or, in Kiwi, a seriously good yarn. It’s been a bestseller for several yonks. This particular small tome is not a genuine translation as such. I’ve got to be honest with you, I didn’t spend sweated hours pouring over Greek papyri. Rather, I looked at a bunch of English-language translations and paraphrases and then had a shot at retelling it in Kiwi. Check it out, and you’ll find the bloke Jesus turns out to be a very interesting character – much more so in fact than some of his subsequent salespeople have turned out to be. Don’t hold that against them, he is a hard act to follow, and anyhow God doesn’t actually expect us to be quite as good as Jesus was. God’s seen enough of us over the years to see that we do a fair amount of stuffing up along the road. And yet we get given another shot at it, good eh? That’s what Jesus is all about.

If you like the Kiwi Bible enjoy the story and reckon you’d like to know more, why not fork out a few bucks and get the full version. Matter of fact, you can actually get the full million words or so for around the price of the Kiwi Bible. Be warned, there are lots of different models, and there seems to be a new one along about as often as a new Windows operating system. Other Bibles gives you a bit of a rundown on some of the options.

Be warned, again, that some bookshops might only have Bibles that use old Shakespearian-type words, I reckon thou wouldst do bestest not to bother thyself with the forthwith acquisition thereof. If they sound like they’re hundreds of years old it’s because they basically are!

Browse at Other Bibles

Like to know a bit more about the Jesus stuff?

If, having read bits of Bible (in whatever version) you reckon you’d like to find out a bit more about this Jesus stuff, there’s a pretty good programme called Alpha that a lot of churches run. You get a good feed (along with a good red, hopefully) and a no-strings-attached look at this Jesus bloke. All in a friendly environment without having to sing songs or do odd things. (I know, I went once).

In NZ there’s over 1000 churches of all types and stripes who run this course – that’s gotta be a fairly good advert for it eh. Check them out on www.alpha.org.nz